Not Like the Movies
by fancykidx
Summary: "Please state your name and grade to the camera." Nerd!Blaine/Popular!Kurt AU in which Artie attempts to make a documentary and fails, epically.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. Uhh. This is... I don't know what it is. It ended up a lot different than what I was thinking it was going to be. Like... a lot different. I'm still not sure if I like it, but I don't feel like rewriting it. Also, it was only meant to be a little drabble and instead is 4000+ words and uh. Yeah. This was inspired by a photoset I saw on tumblr; if you follow the nerd!blaine tag, I'm pretty sure you'll find it. Hopefully you enjoy? Maybe I'll write another part to it. Who knows?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or any of the characters mentioned below.**

* * *

><p>"McKinley High School. A typical American high school, home to countless jocks, geeks, musical theatre dorks, badasses, and bitches. Then there's me: Artie Abrams."<p>

_A boy in a red and gold striped sweater vest suddenly appears, smiling. He's in a wheelchair._

"Avid member of the AV Club, up and coming rapper, and future George Lucas. Hello."

_The scene cuts to a shot of a hallway, brimming with teenagers rushing to their lockers and hurrying to their next class. In the background, an angry-looking blonde woman in a track suit is yelling at a girl dressed in black, who is quivering with fear._

"Stereotypes exist all over the world. It's a fact of life. And yet, is that really all people are? Is what a person displays to the world all that is important about them? I don't think so. I mean, no one would expect just from looking at me that my rhymes are both numerous and off the hizzy.

I'm looking to break the stereotypes of many of McKinley HIgh's most recognizable students."

* * *

><p><em>"Please state your name and grade to the camera."<em>

A boy wearing a white button down, a grey tweed blazer, and a yellow bow tie nods, adjusting his stance in his seat. He nervously adjusts his glasses, looking into the camera. "Hi, I'm Blaine Anderson, senior."

/

A blonde girl, wearing a red and white cheerleading uniform looks blankly at the camera for a moment. "I talk… _into_ the camera? But… there's glass. The people inside of it won't be able to hear me through the glass."

_"Brittany, just say your name and grade."_

She lifts her hand and gives a hesitant wave. "Uhh… Brittany Pierce, senior?" She looks away from the camera, instead staring at the person standing behind it. "Did I do okay? Was that alright?"

/

A thin boy with a high pompadour flashes a bright smile. He runs his hands over the front of his red and white cheerleading uniform before gracefully folding them and placing them on his lap. "Hello, my name is Kurt Hummel, and I'm a senior."

/

A short brunette female flips her hair dramatically, shooting a dazzling smile at the camera. She places her hand on her hip and straightens up her posture, showing off her green sweater with white, dancing kittens. "Hello, I'm Rachel Berry. I'm an 18 year old senior at McKinley High and president of the Drama Club at this school; This is not my first time in front of a camera, as you can tell by my excellent poise and understanding of what angle shows off my striking features best. I've been singing since I could speak, dancing since I could walk, and acting since-"

_"Rachel. Just your name and grade."_

"Oh, right! Sorry. Rachel Berry, senior."

* * *

><p><em>"So. Blaine Anderson."<em>

Blaine tilts his head in confusion, his smile faltering a bit. "Uhm… Artie Abrams."

"_You're a nerd."_

The smile fades completely as the boy looks taken aback. He opens his mouth to say something before closing it and looking thoughtful. After a second, he shrugs and says, "Yeah, I guess so."

_"Can you please explain to us how you're a nerd?"_

"I don't think that's really necess-"

_"Just look right here, right into the camera."_

The boy sighs. "I… well, I'm currently slated to be valedictorian at the end of the year, with a 4.3 GPA. I've been taking all AP classes since junior year, and during my free periods and after school I tutor people in the library. I, uhm, I also… do I have to keep goi-"

_"Yes._"

"I… I also compete in chess tournaments on a regular basis, am part of the Drama Club, and am an active member of Model U.N."

_"… And you're also gay."_

"Uhm… yes. And I'm also gay." He blushes. "What does that have to do with me being a nerd?"

* * *

><p><em>"Kurt, you're very popular."<em>

"Why thank you, Abrams."

_"It wasn't really a compliment. Just a fact. No one really bothers you or messes with you. Why is that?"_

"Perhaps it has something to do with me being a Cheerio, also known as the most popular group in the school? I mean, I'm just throwing that out there as a possible idea."

_"Ah, right. Cheerio. You've been a cheerleader for how long now?"_

"Since the middle of sophomore year."

_"Why'd you join?"_

"I… wanted to be part of a team." He fidgets uncomfortably in his seat. "Coach Sylvester offered me a chance to join the team after noticing my impeccable understanding of the French language and culture, claiming that my skills could help give her Cheerios an edge in Nationals that year. She was right; that year, I won us first place with a 14 minute long Celine Dion medley in French."

* * *

><p><em>"Brittany Pierce, one of the Queen Bees of the Cheerios."<em>

"I'm not a bee, I'm a girl."

_"… Brit, it was just - never mind. Tell me what it's like to be one of the most popular girls in the school."_

"I don't know. I've never been a regular person so I don't know what regular people world is like. But boys always want to make out with me and girls are always asking me about my hair and stuff so that's really cool."

_"Who are your friends?"_

"Santana is my best friend and always does everything to make me happy, even if she has to keep the strap-on on for a really long time. I like Quinn too-"

_"Wait, go back to Santana's-"_

"-but she got kind of weird after the stork gave her a baby. I don't know why. I wish a stork would bring me a baby. I would name it Luther. Oh, and I hang out with Kurt a lot, even though he says it's weird that I'm always trying to hold his hand and make out with him, but I can't help it because he's got really _really _soft hands and his tongue was really great that one time we made out in his basement and his breath always smells really good. Like toothpaste. Which is different from the hamburger and cheese fries smell I usually get from guys. It's probably because he's a dolphin."

* * *

><p><em>"Rachel Berry, ask anyone at this school and they would say that they want to strangle you because you talk so much."<em>

Her smile falters. "What… wait-"

_"Does that anger you? That you're basically hated by 90% of the student population?"_

"You told me that I was here to be interviewed about my fantastic performance in the school's latest production of the musical _The Last Five Years!_"

_"… Oh, yeah. I lied. Sorry about that. Finn told me you wouldn't do this unless it had to do with that."_

She looks affronted. "I can't believe this! You lied to me! I refuse to answer any more of your questions! How do I take this microphone off? Turn off your camera, this is ridiculous-"

* * *

><p><em>"So… because you wanted to be part of a team, you joined the Cheerios? Why didn't you join the football team? You were a member of that for awhile, weren't you?"<em>

Kurt hesitates a little. "Yeah… I was kicker for a few months in the beginning of sophomore-"

_"Why didn't you stick with it?"_

"I - it wasn't - It just wasn't my thing, I guess."

_"Could it have anything to do with you coming out as gay shortly afterwards?"_

"It - well, yes, it could have been one of the deciding factors -"

_"Elaborate."_

"I don't feel comfortable-"

_"Elaborate._"

The boy sighs, deflating. "Yes, I came out as gay shortly after my first game. Everyone kind of… freaked out, I guess. I think everyone already assumed that I was, but it wasn't until I actually confirmed it that I started to get… bullied. Even more so than usual. Most of it was coming from my teammates on the football team, so I quit. I didn't want to give them any more free chances to harass me. Eventually, Coach Sylvester heard me speaking in French, and the rest was history."

_"So basically, your main reason for joining the Cheerios was so that you could get the protection from the bullying that Coach Sylvester would give you."_

"… Do you have any other questions?"

* * *

><p><em>"I see you hanging out with Blaine Anderson sometimes. That's a little weird, don't you think?<em>"

Brittany shrugs. "He helps me understand things in my English class. He's really smart. Like Dumbledore. Or Gandalf. Probably Gandalf. He's kind of a hobbit. He had to have learned things from Gandalf."

_"… Right. So that's all he does? He just tutors you?"_

"Yeah. I mean, I've offered to make out with him a few times but he always says no. I kept trying to tell him that he's the only guy that won't make out with me in this school and I gave him puppy dog eyes and I even offered to let him touch my boobs but he always laughed and then made me read Shakespeare, so I stopped offering because I didn't like reading Shakespeare. It's okay, though, because he's a dolphin."

_"He's a what?"_

She gives the camera a weird look. "A dolphin, Artie. _Duh."_

* * *

><p>"I can't believe this, you can't keep us locked in this room <em>forever<em> Abrams, people will eventually come looking for me!"

_"Did you even hear what I said? You're hated by 90% of the student population, I'm pretty sure no one will even notice you're gone-"_

"_Where is the key, Artie? _I need to get back home and do my daily vocal warm up with my karaoke machine, you need to let me out _now_ or else-"

_"I'll let you out if you answer-"_

"No questions! No comment! I refuse to answer anything without a lawyer present-"

* * *

><p><em>"Nevermind. We'll get back to that later. So tell me, what's it like to tutor Brittany Pierce?"<em>

Blaine lets out a chuckle. "It's… interesting, I guess. She's definitely not as bright as most people are, but she's always pretty eager."

_"Pretty eager? What, to learn or get in your pants?"_

He blushes. "Uhm. Both. But, I mean, like I said, I'm gay so it doesn't really matter. She's a nice girl, just not my type."

_"Do you know how many guys would kill to be in your position? Being alone with Brittany - popular cheerleader Brittany - for hours on end, her wanting to make out with you all of the time? Dude, you're totally taking it for granted."_

His eyes narrow. "I'm not - I don't think you understand the fact that I'm _gay_. You make it sound like I'm making the choice not to make out with her."

_"… But you are._"

"Yes, but it's because I genuinely am not attracted to her. Hence the whole gay thing. If I wanted to make out with her, if I was _capable_ of bringing myself to make out with her, I would. But I can't, and I don't want to, because I'm _gay._"

_"You're totally missing out, dude."_

* * *

><p><em>"So what's a typical day in the life of Kurt Hummel like?"<em>

"Hmm... well, I wake up at 4:00 AM every morning in order to get myself ready for Cheerio practice at 5:30. That goes on until the bell rings at 8:00 to bring us to classes. Then I have AP French, Psychology, lunch with the Cheerios, European History, and AP Biology. Then there's another Cheerio practice after school until 7, followed by dinner with my dad and Skype-ing with my friends while we do homework before I go to bed."

"_Sounds... fairly boring. What do you do for fun?"_

"Cheerios _is _fun!"

"_... So having twice-a-day practices and having to go on sand and water only diets and getting harassed by Sue Sylvester is fun?"_

He shrugs feebly. "I, uh... I like musical theatre?"

* * *

><p>"<em>Brittany, I promise you, the people in the camera can hear you."<em>

"Are you sure? I just want you to be sure. There's not even any air holes for them to breathe, how do you know they're not dying?"

"_BRITTANY – LET GO OF THE CAMERA-"_

"Artie, you can't do this to those people, it's cruel-"

* * *

><p>"If you're just going to sit here and belittle me because of my sexual orientation, then I'm not going to stay and-"<p>

_"Sorry, bro. I just don't really understand why you would still identify yourself as gay after all the crap you get for it."_

Blaine lets out a few calming breaths. "Sometimes I ask myself that same question. Especially on days where I get more than three slushie-facials. But… I don't know. I'd rather be honest with myself than have to hide who I am. It takes a lot of courage to stray away from the norm nowadays."

_"You know that Kurt Hummel?_"

He stiffens slightly, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. "I… yeah. _Everyone_ knows Kurt Hummel. He, uh… he sits next to me. In AP Bio. He lent me a blue pencil once. He's… he's a really nice guy." He smiles softly. "What about him?"

_"It must be hard - for you, I mean - to see him be publicly out as well and not get beaten up for it. I mean, doesn't it make you angry? Don't you feel pissed that you have to get ridiculed every day while he gets off scott-free because of his status as a cheerleader?"_

He stands up, fuming. "Don't - don't you _dare_ say those things about him. That's - that was completely - that's _completely_ out of line, implying that Kurt should be bullied as well. Kurt's… he's incredible. He's brilliant and talented and unique and he doesn't deserve to be ridiculed or taunted like I do, he doesn't deserve what I go through. It doesn't make me angry that he doesn't go through it, because he _shouldn't_ go through it. He shouldn't - he's too good to be bullied around. He doesn't deserve it at all."

_"Whoa, whoa, calm down. Sorry."_

"No, no, I - _I'm _sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over that."

_"… WHY did you get so worked up over it…?"_

"… Change of subject. Now."

* * *

><p><em>"Brittany, I've GOT it, you're going to break it-"<em>

"Artie, _please_ let them breathe, _please_, I don't want to be the reason they die-"

* * *

><p><em>"Fine, fine! You win! We can talk about your musical."<em>

Rachel's face brightens immediately as she eagerly sits down. "I knew you would see it my way."

_"Whatever. So you play the role of Catherine, one of the leads, opposite Blaine Anderson, who plays Jamie."_

"I do! We made a spectacular leading pair. The chemistry between us was almost palpable; did you see our performance? Didn't you just love it?"

_"Uuh, no, actually, I didn't. I saw part of that song "The Next Ten Minutes" that you performed in a friend's youtube video before I got bored and closed out of the window, though."_

"… Oh."

_"The part that I saw, though, was pretty good. I like the song a lot."_

"Wasn't it fantastic? The musical gives me tears every time I watch it, especially when they sing that song, because you know what's going to happen to them in the end!"

_"Blaine seemed really into the song."_

"Blaine is a perfectly capable actor - obviously not as well trained as myself, but most people aren't at our age; I'm lucky enough to have two wonderful fathers who were willing to push me to succeed in the way that they did, otherwise I would not be as well versed in the way of theatre and broadway as I am now-"

_"How'd you get him to look so romantically into you when Anderson obviously only gets it up for guys?"_

There's silence before she glares angrily. "Artie Abrams, that was both crude and offensive. It's attitudes like that that create such difficulty for gay men in acting. They're so often typecast into the typical flamboyantly gay character in musicals and movies, rather than being seen as the romantic male lead, and I for one think it's a _travesty_-"

* * *

><p><em>"Musical theatre, huh? Did you see the performance of The Last Five Years?"<em>

Kurt paused, choosing his words carefully. "… I did. I thought it was gorgeous. Rachel Berry is insufferable, but even I can't deny that her voice is incredible. She's got a gift. If only she knew how to shut up every other time she's not singing."

_"What did you think of the other lead?"_

"He was… outstanding. His voice was to die for, and his acting skills were even better than Berry's. I didn't even know he went to our school until that performance, but that kid - Blaine Anderson, isn't it? - he's going to make it big. I swear. And of course, the musical itself was brilliant. It's actually one of my favorites; it never fails to make me emotional whenever I watch them sing "The Next Ten Minutes," knowing that they're doomed. It's just such a brilliant piece of work."

_"… That's pretty gay."_

* * *

><p>The image is grainy as the camera struggles to focus and then… we see him. The spotlight rests on him as he sits on a bench, alone. His gaze is intense as he stares off, singing along with the accompanying music, his hands fiddling with the ring in his lap. The auditorium is quiet, all of the focus on the boy with the soaring voice. There are a few sniffles from the person sitting next to whoever is holding the camera, but it is barely noticeable with the way that the boy is commanding the attention of everyone as his voice grows more emotional.<p>

_And if you in turn agree_

_To the next ten minutes_

_And the next ten minutes_

_'Til the morning comes_

_Then just holding you_

_Might compel me to_

_Ask you for more_

_There are so many lives I want to share with you_

_I will never be complete until I do…_

* * *

><p><em>"Okay. School musical."<em>

Blaine blinks. "Uhm, okay. School musical."

_"You were in it."_

"… I was in it."

_"Did you know that you could sing like that?"_

"Uhm. Obviously I did, if I auditioned for the role. … But I didn't know that I'd be able to _do_ that. Sing in front of all of those people. I don't generally like to share that part of me with the world."

_"Why not?"_

"Music is… it's my escape. When school gets to be too much to handle, or when the taunting just cuts a little too deep, I just… I turn to music. It's the only thing that's been there since the beginning, and it's the one thing that's… truly _me._ I don't want people to take that away from me." He smiles. "But I'm glad I did the musical. It was terrifying and nerve-wracking, but I'm glad that I was able to get up in front of all those people and perform like that. Hopefully people start noticing me more because of _that_ instead of as a nerd."

_"Any particular person you're hoping to attract the attention of?"_

"Are you asking me if I'm romantically interested in someone?"

_"Intuitive. Yes."_

"Well… uh, yes. I've been in lov-_intesreted_ in the same guy for years. He's… _amazing. _He's beautiful, and funny, and talented, and _so_ unique. He's perfect. And… way too good for me." He adjusted his glasses, smiling sheepishly. "I mean, come on. Look at me. I'm hopeless."

He looked down at his hands, still folded carefully in his lap, before looking back up, a hint of sadness visible in his eyes. "I guess I'm going to have to get used to disappointment."

* * *

><p>Kurt is looking at the camera with a <em>bitch, I will cut you<em> face. "'_That's pretty gay'_? Really?"

_"Calm down, bro, I didn't mean it like that-"_

"Oh, no, I know _exactly_ how you meant it. You meant that liking a musical for it's story and for it's emotion is a stereotypical _gay_ thing to do. That crying over something that is meant to be sad is a stereotypical _gay_ thing to do, because _gay_ guys cry over stuff like that, because _all gay men are like that. _Never mind the fact that _you_ are claiming to make a film that is meant to break the stereotypes often seen and yet you continue to make backhanded comments like that."

_"… Sorry. Point taken."_

"Also, this documentary sucks. It has nothing to do with breaking stereotypes and everything to do with forcing me to admit how my _homosexuality_ sets me apart from everyone else."

* * *

><p>"-finally, it's disgusting how ignorant you are when it comes to gay men, and I'm pretty sure my dads would be willing to do something about this little documentary of yours if I asked them to-"<p>

_"Okay! Geez. Sorry. I just meant… Blaine's gotta be a really good actor to be able to play a straight male so convincingly."_

"… He is. He's a great actor. As actors, we are supposed to step into the shoes of our characters and force ourselves to _become_ them, regardless of what we have to do. I mean, one time I walked in on Blaine practicing "The Next Ten Minutes" in the middle of our shared dressing room, while gazing intently at a blue pencil in his hand. I'm not sure what that was about, but he was incredibly embarrassed and turned red when I asked him what he was doing."

_"Interesting."_

"Why are we talking about Blaine Anderson? Can we talk about me, now? I still haven't told you about the countless hours I spent practicing in my basement on the stage that was given to me by my parents during my bat mitzvah-"

* * *

><p>"Sorry again, Artie."<p>

_"It's okay, Brit. I'll just… tell the school to take it out of the AV Club budget. We'll get a new camera. No harm, no foul."_

"What do birds have to do with it?"

_"I said FOUL, not - never mind. I have one more question for you and then we're done."_

"Okay."

_"How does it feel knowing that the majority of the school finds you to be an idiot?"_

There's silence. Brittany stares at the camera with wide eyes. Finally, a fierce expression comes across her face. "Just because I don't do good in smart classes doesn't mean I'm not smart. I understand things. I know things. I know that I have to feed Lord Tubbington diet cat food, otherwise he's going to get too fat and won't be able to move around as well and die, and I don't want him to die. I know that Blaine is completely in love with Kurt, but he won't say anything because he thinks that Kurt is too good for him. But I know that it's not true, because Blaine is really nice because he helps me with my homework and doesn't get angry or mean when I don't get it the first time and he even buys me cookies sometimes to help me concentrate, and he's also really smart except he's kind of dumb when it comes to Kurt because he loves him so much. I know that _you_ are homophobic, no matter how much you claim you aren't, because you were one of the boys who used to make fun of Kurt for the way he dressed, and I know that that wasn't okay of you do to because he's a human being just like everyone else and deserves to be treated with respect."

She pauses, glaring. "I'm not smart, but I'm not an idiot either. And I deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone does."

* * *

><p>Artie places the DVD with the interviews on a shelf with a post it note saying, "may be useful one day." He forgets about his epic documentary and instead chooses to film a sci-fi movie. It's easier than having to deal with these people again.<p> 


	2. Sequel

**A sequel to this has been posted under the title "Selected Entries From the Diary of Brittany Pierce." Enjoy!**


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